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TV comedians discussed Pete Hegseth's unprecedented mandatory meeting for US generals in Virginia, where he attacked "fat troops."

Stephen Colbert

The comedian began Tuesday's program with a countdown to a government shutdown, which would halt numerous critical functions and leave many unemployed. But not everyone – Colbert pointed out that people deemed essential workers, such as air traffic controllers or TSA agents, must continue working, even if it means working without pay. "Ideal for anyone who’s ever said ‘I just wish this TSA worker patting me down was also frustrated,’" Colbert joked.

He then turned to "the darker" story of the evening: Pete Hegseth gathering top generals at Quantico for an unusual speech in which Colbert described the defense secretary as a "total fool."

Hegseth declared "freedom day" for America’s "fighters" who "engage in combat for a living."

"I’ll say it: the Democrats have got to turn down the temperature on their violent rhetoric," Colbert remarked.

Hegseth also said there would be "an end to climate focus. No more division, distraction, or gender delusions. No leftover issues. As I’ve said before and will say again, we are done with that shit."

"Wow, generals, Pete used a bad word," Colbert teased. "He's so impressive! You know, I hear he has like a stack of magazines under his mattress."

Hegseth encouraged the generals to "speak plainly in plain English, to highlight the clear issues right in front of us."

Colbert then remarked on the obvious: "OK, you suck monkey butt."

Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel also mentioned the government shutdown on Tuesday night. "Democrats seek ongoing healthcare funding, whereas Republicans want to use that money to add crab legs to the omelet station at Mar-a-Lago," he said. "Trump warns of permanent reductions if there’s a shutdown."

"I was recently the victim of a government shutdown – they are reversible, I will tell you that," he added.

Kimmel then mocked Hegseth's required assembly with generals in Virginia. "All the top military leaders were pulled off the frontlines in Portland and Washington, DC and called to Quantico for a motivational speech with Pete," he said before a clip of Hegseth bragging: "Should foes dare to confront us, they will be defeated by the violence, precision and ferocity of the war department. In other words, to our enemies: FAFO."

"He's remarkable," Kimmel deadpanned. "That was some speech. Usually when a large crowd gather in one room for Pete Hegseth, it’s an attempt to help him."

"It was a harsh session," as Hegseth said he’d do away with diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives in the military, as well as "men in women's clothing" and "overweight soldiers."

"Overweight military leaders are inappropriate in the halls of the Pentagon and leading commands around the country and the world," Hegseth said. "It’s a bad look."

Kimmel responded with a clip of Trump moving awkwardly. "I love the idea that Trump is lecturing these guys on fitness," he chuckled. "I mean, if that isn’t the fondue pot calling the kettle fat, I don’t know what is."

Comedy Central Program

On the comedy program, Ronny Chieng also poked fun at Hegseth's ominous mandatory meeting with US generals. "We all act strangely sometimes," he joked. "Some contact old flames, and some of us call every US general to a meeting at Quantico."

Chieng then played clips from Hegseth's rant against "fat troops," which he called a "poor image."

"That’s what you called all these generals in for? To tell them they’re fat?" he wondered. "Why not comment online? Like ‘hey, congrats general, when are you due?’"

"He shares confidential info, but when it comes to body shaming, he’s like ‘I want to see their round features when I tell them how large they are.’"

"I understand fitness is important," Chieng continued. "But in defense of fat generals, they’re kind of like coaches, right? Coaches don’t need to be in playing shape, they just have to be suitable to date a 24-year-old," he said next to a photo of a famous coach and his girlfriend.

Hegseth also said he’d ban beards or long hair. "Per Hegseth, America’s military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a Grindr profile – no fatties, no facial hair, and get those women the fuck out of my sight," Chieng joked.

Seth Meyers

And on his show, Seth Meyers recapped Trump’s meeting with the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, at the White House on Monday, where he told reporters that he’s very confident he could rapidly secure a peace deal in Gaza. "You promised this long ago, ‘swiftly’ is no longer in the cards," Meyers laughed. "That’s like James Cameron saying ‘Avatar 4 is coming quickly.’"

"This from the guy who couldn’t even end the war in Portland," he joked, referring to Trump sending national guard troops to Portland for no reason.

Trump also told NBC News that he would suspect that the justice department is investigating the former FBI director, Christopher Wray, "then he winked aggressively," Meyers jested.